New Girl

New Girl is a TV show with a highly implausible premise. Specifically, that this woman:



can't find a date because she's a dork.

Is it hard for dorky girls to find dates? Sometimes. But not when they look like this:



I mean, it's not like the producers of the show animated some visible stink lines coming off of her in every shot. And it is not as though the character is seeking a meaningful relationship—the premiere episode involves her search for post-breakup rebound sex. We're not even talking about the hunt for a second date here. And her three new male roommates, including Damon Wayans Jr. (his son, not a clone, despite appearances), try to help her out by being total douchebags. Indeed, they even have a douche jar, in which they put a dollar when doing something douche-y. A jar, not a wheelbarrow.

Anyway, the main character, Jess, does land a date despite her endearingly annoying habits, and then he totally stands her up because she texted him seven times in excitement. Because he has something better to do, this guy does, than her:




Also, despite being a comedy, New Girl was shot like soap opera, with many imperfect cross cuts that actually drained scenes of comic timing rather than enhanced them. And the jokes weren't funny. One almost approached funny—the three roomies show up to be Jess's date and one explains to the waitress that they're "reverse Mormons", which would have been good, but then he adds, "One man isn't enough for her."

Boo. I guess it's back to half an hour a week of staring at Zooey Deschanel photos, where at least she isn't trying to talk and be funny.