Sucklord is gone, and instantly it's like half the cast has left. There's a desperate attempt to fill the screen with some frivolity by making Dusty dance around in Young's tiny twink short shorts, but nothing comes of it except the certain knowledge that Dusty has no balls. I don't mean he lacks courage as he did do the stunt as he said he would; I mean his scrotum is literally missing.
Then the challenge, which is a Product Placement challenge. In this case the product is the new Fiat, and the idea is to take some piece of the car and make some art out of it. This should be the easiest thing in the world, but half the artestants have an idea and then abandon it. The other half just plain ol' mess up.
Kymia, for example, gets the key to the car when she grabs the steering column, and she doesn't even realize it. Seeing the key, the first thing she does it get really excited! The second thing she does is grind it into dust because she's an idiot! Then she nearly kills Dusty, who got the steering wheel and thought of creating a latex mask of his face and putting it on the wheel to suggest an accident. Kymia helps him apply the goop, then leaves him to slowly aphyxiate on the floor instead of going to retrieve him after seven minutes.
Michelle has a pretty good idea—she will use her paper sculpture technique to create a weird window-licking figure, and parts of the car will be used to build the figure's spine. Her stuff is usually creepy and weird:
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But this time Simon talks her out of doing it. She punts, then has a second good idea—she fogs up a pair of windows and uses slight manipulations to suggest a life on the other side of those windows. Sex acts, kids and teens drawing messages with their fingers, etc. Then she gives that up, sticks some eyes on a grill and calls it a day.
Then there's Lola, who does her usual messing around with every thing within reach. Her rivalry with Kymia takes an odd turn as the conversation turns to withcraft, and Lola suggests that her grandmother taught her magic. Kymia finds this extremely upsetting. Is this some sort of Roma (Lola has previously claimed to be a "gypsy") versus Iranian thing, now? Fear the Domari, Kymia! They have the evil eye! Cut to Young cutting his finger! Kymia looks panicked! It's the devil!
Moving on, Young builds a robot-looking thing, and it's cool. Dusty's face thing looks small and unimpressive, because Fiats are small, so he ditches the project and does this thing where he uses the tires to stamp GOING TO WORK GOING HOME across a piece of paper. GOING HOME, eh? Careful, baby, that might be prophetic.
Sarah K. skins two seats and mounts them and is done. They look like bugs. Everyone insists they are abstract, because they don't know what the word abstract means. Remember when David Letterman would run things over with a steamroller, flattening them? That didn't render those items abstract, did it? DID IT?? No. Fucking morons.
Meanwhile, Lola's narcissism kicks in, so she decides to take a picture of herself, blow it up, then trace it. Kymia remarks that when she draws, she actually draws instead of traces—you know, "like a real artist." Then she goes back to filling a shoebox with metal filings.
Then there's a commercial for a movie about a horse. In it, the kid who loves the horse promises that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL FIND YOU. Swap out HAPPENS with OCCURS, and I'm pretty sure that's the exact line used twenty years ago when Daniel Day-Lewis was the star of Last of the Mohicans. However, instead of horse, Day-Lewis was talking to:
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So, as you can see, everything has been steadily getting worse for decades. We come back to Kymia crying because she just realized she put a shoebox on display as a piece of art. The idea is that there's a light inside and the light will make the key filings look like stars. Like a kaleidoscope, but instead of with brightly colored loose items, it contains dust. Anyway, nobody understands it, so somebody breaks it, but that makes little difference.
Back to the rest of the show show. Sarah J. has made a big flower out of seat stuffing and shoved it a muffler. She wins! Sarah K. comes in second, perhaps because she wisely spent zero energy on the challenge. That was the real test, Sarah K.! Young and Dusty are sent to the back, presumably to swap panties, and we're down to the Bad Girls. Judge Bill explains to Michelle that her piece "wasn't stupid enough"; the Bravo producers kindly cut out him also saying, "Your piece should have been more like me."
Lola's piece is called "The Car is a Cave and My Fingertips are Gods Controlling Your Fate" because she has a real mental problem. Have I mentioned that in a confessional segment, she started laughing at the idea of pulling a "Tonya Harding' on Young and smashing his legs with a baseball bat? Not tee-hee I'm-on-TV nervous laughing, but diabolical snorty "Ha ha that little twinky chink on the floor, clutching his shattered limbs and screaming MY LEGS MY LEGS WHY ME, now that's fucking funny!" laughing. Anyway, it's the same thing every week from her and everyone's mad so she cries.
Then the judges decide to send Michelle home. Her piece was terrible, but it certainly wasn't as terrible as either a broken shoebox or Lola doing the same piece five times in a row. Why was she sent home? Well, there is this:
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The judges, it's important to remember, have the mentality of art school freshmen, plus they're on TV. The second Michelle decided not to reference being hit by a car, the moment she decided not to Tell Her Story and talk about the Pain and the Blood and the Long Fight Back to Health, she lost. Shoebox Lady gets to stay. This is an outrage. I'm about to trash an embassy somewhere!
Next week, Lola gets naked!
Then the challenge, which is a Product Placement challenge. In this case the product is the new Fiat, and the idea is to take some piece of the car and make some art out of it. This should be the easiest thing in the world, but half the artestants have an idea and then abandon it. The other half just plain ol' mess up.
Kymia, for example, gets the key to the car when she grabs the steering column, and she doesn't even realize it. Seeing the key, the first thing she does it get really excited! The second thing she does is grind it into dust because she's an idiot! Then she nearly kills Dusty, who got the steering wheel and thought of creating a latex mask of his face and putting it on the wheel to suggest an accident. Kymia helps him apply the goop, then leaves him to slowly aphyxiate on the floor instead of going to retrieve him after seven minutes.
Michelle has a pretty good idea—she will use her paper sculpture technique to create a weird window-licking figure, and parts of the car will be used to build the figure's spine. Her stuff is usually creepy and weird:
But this time Simon talks her out of doing it. She punts, then has a second good idea—she fogs up a pair of windows and uses slight manipulations to suggest a life on the other side of those windows. Sex acts, kids and teens drawing messages with their fingers, etc. Then she gives that up, sticks some eyes on a grill and calls it a day.
Then there's Lola, who does her usual messing around with every thing within reach. Her rivalry with Kymia takes an odd turn as the conversation turns to withcraft, and Lola suggests that her grandmother taught her magic. Kymia finds this extremely upsetting. Is this some sort of Roma (Lola has previously claimed to be a "gypsy") versus Iranian thing, now? Fear the Domari, Kymia! They have the evil eye! Cut to Young cutting his finger! Kymia looks panicked! It's the devil!
Moving on, Young builds a robot-looking thing, and it's cool. Dusty's face thing looks small and unimpressive, because Fiats are small, so he ditches the project and does this thing where he uses the tires to stamp GOING TO WORK GOING HOME across a piece of paper. GOING HOME, eh? Careful, baby, that might be prophetic.
Sarah K. skins two seats and mounts them and is done. They look like bugs. Everyone insists they are abstract, because they don't know what the word abstract means. Remember when David Letterman would run things over with a steamroller, flattening them? That didn't render those items abstract, did it? DID IT?? No. Fucking morons.
Meanwhile, Lola's narcissism kicks in, so she decides to take a picture of herself, blow it up, then trace it. Kymia remarks that when she draws, she actually draws instead of traces—you know, "like a real artist." Then she goes back to filling a shoebox with metal filings.
Then there's a commercial for a movie about a horse. In it, the kid who loves the horse promises that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, I WILL FIND YOU. Swap out HAPPENS with OCCURS, and I'm pretty sure that's the exact line used twenty years ago when Daniel Day-Lewis was the star of Last of the Mohicans. However, instead of horse, Day-Lewis was talking to:
So, as you can see, everything has been steadily getting worse for decades. We come back to Kymia crying because she just realized she put a shoebox on display as a piece of art. The idea is that there's a light inside and the light will make the key filings look like stars. Like a kaleidoscope, but instead of with brightly colored loose items, it contains dust. Anyway, nobody understands it, so somebody breaks it, but that makes little difference.
Back to the rest of the show show. Sarah J. has made a big flower out of seat stuffing and shoved it a muffler. She wins! Sarah K. comes in second, perhaps because she wisely spent zero energy on the challenge. That was the real test, Sarah K.! Young and Dusty are sent to the back, presumably to swap panties, and we're down to the Bad Girls. Judge Bill explains to Michelle that her piece "wasn't stupid enough"; the Bravo producers kindly cut out him also saying, "Your piece should have been more like me."
Lola's piece is called "The Car is a Cave and My Fingertips are Gods Controlling Your Fate" because she has a real mental problem. Have I mentioned that in a confessional segment, she started laughing at the idea of pulling a "Tonya Harding' on Young and smashing his legs with a baseball bat? Not tee-hee I'm-on-TV nervous laughing, but diabolical snorty "Ha ha that little twinky chink on the floor, clutching his shattered limbs and screaming MY LEGS MY LEGS WHY ME, now that's fucking funny!" laughing. Anyway, it's the same thing every week from her and everyone's mad so she cries.
Then the judges decide to send Michelle home. Her piece was terrible, but it certainly wasn't as terrible as either a broken shoebox or Lola doing the same piece five times in a row. Why was she sent home? Well, there is this:
The judges, it's important to remember, have the mentality of art school freshmen, plus they're on TV. The second Michelle decided not to reference being hit by a car, the moment she decided not to Tell Her Story and talk about the Pain and the Blood and the Long Fight Back to Health, she lost. Shoebox Lady gets to stay. This is an outrage. I'm about to trash an embassy somewhere!
Next week, Lola gets naked!