LOLA GETS NAKED!
LIKE THIS:
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BUT NAKED!
But first, Dusty and Young have breakfast—they both shove bananas into their mouths. This sets the tone for the whole episode.
So anyway, this challenge is about the tension between notions of high art and the reality of commerce. The problem here is that there is no tension between high art and commerce—high art lost decades ago. So the last six artestants have to sell art on the streets of TriBeCa where, luckily, people have more money than sense. Then the art will be brought into the gallery Whoever makes the most money wins! See, told ya high art lost decades ago. Simon de Pury says, "History proves that two heads are better than one" (History proves THAT?!?!) so the six will work in three teams of two. Kymia quickly grabs Dusty because she hates Lola. Then China Chow explains that performance art is not allowed in the challenge, and Young's secret idea to set up a glory hole also goes to shit. The teams have five hours to conceptualize and produce art, then two hours to sell their junk to the sort of person attracted to television cameras in lower Manhattan. Aka, Brooklynites.
Young has the idea to paint faces on underwear, and he also buys a new pair of short-shorts for himself to attract passing trade. He launches into a monologue about his butt, which his boyfriend loves, and which is petite, and round, and pert. Sarah J. decides that she's an artist and will actually do art, specifically high-speed watercolor portraits for customers, and some other things too. Like a dog with two heads. And a painting of herself with a giant red ass.
Dusty and Kymia spend three hours messing around and have very little time to produce any art. Kymia has the idea to sell postcards reading "I HELPED AN ARTIST MAKE HER DREAMS COME TRUE" and such, but quickly realizes that this idea is moronic and decides to sell her signature and collect signatures from others. Then she realizes that this idea is so good she has to tell everyone and ask permission—apparently autograph hounding may be performance art. Though Lola objects, Kymia goes ahead anyway.
Dusty, being from Arkansas, is obsessed with America and decides to make shirts with the map on them, and on the map a stencil of a security camera. He thinks he's making a statement about the surveillance state, but at best his shirt says SECURE WHITE AMERICA AGAINST THE NEGROID HORDES!!! At worst, and this was his worst, the shirts say "What the hell is that thing?" His camera stencil looks variously like a burrito (haha, I almost typed BUTT-IRO there!), a horse saddle, and a toner cartridge. Also, he calls his wife and cries because he has a baby and has been gone for so long and a baby needs her father to survive (AGAINST THE NEGROID HORDES!!!). Actually, it's been about ten days, Big Dust. Take it easy.
LOLA GETS NAKED. Kymia objects to the camera, claiming that Lola is just selling out for the money. No mention is made of Kymia's own glorious tits gracing her piece several episodes ago. Indeed, there's a lot of sexualized material in this episode, and a lot of complaining about sexualized material. Like these assholes thought up the idea of depicting the nude in fine art all by themselves, and yesterday.
Lola puts some text over the naked photo explaining that she doesn't shave her mustache all the time, that she engages in all sorts of creepy behaviors, and other "secrets." It's actually good. At least it's not four different things all thrown together. She sells prints of various sizes, and thanks to the magic of editing appears to sell at least one of her pieces for one hundred bucks. She's also shown making a three-year-old girl cry. Sarah K., who misses Ohio and apparently wants to go home, makes racist Indian headdresses out of construction paper, and spraypaints tits and cocks on t-shirts and tries to sell them. Simon comes by and almost licks Lola's print. AWOOGHA AWOOGHA! (Simon hopes pubic hair comes back into fashion soon (opens vid).)
In the gallery, Young and Sarah K. punt. Young paints the underwear faces onto canvas instead of pinning up the briefs, and Sarah K. just mounts two headdresses and paints secondary sex characteristics under them. I guess her message is "American Indians have nipples too!" Judge Jerry objects strongly to such bullshit. The camera zooms out of the bright red cunt of Sarah J.'s watercolor self-portrait. Judge Jerry's face explodes in glee when he sees Lola's piece. Kymia's work—fifteen of her signatures, fifteen other signatures—just doesn't look good on television, but the judges seem to like it. Dusty turned his t-shirt idea into a map-shaped sign.
The show has been suggesting that sex sells, that Lola is a self-pimping whore and had made lots of money with her advanced Romani haggling techniques. But no, as it turns out you can't just get on the subway with a giant photo of a naked woman, even in New York, so Sarah J's team wins! People like pretty paintings they can show to their friends. People are fucking boorish Philistines! That's why the art world is for Eurotrashy, Hedge-fundy, Hamptonites; of trendy oligarchs and oiligarchs; and of art dealers with masturbatory levels of self-regard. Did somebody say masturbatory?! Anyway, Sarah J. and Young are safe, though Young's stuff wasn't any good.
Lola and Kymia are both sent back to the apartment to glare at one another for at least one more episode, and it's down to Dusty and Sarah K. Dusty's was terrible but at least it was something. For Sarah K., it was literally a case of "My kid could do that" though without any of the verve or playfulness of childish play. So she goes home and cries about her dead father.
Next week, the artists go to the Hudson Valley and meet people who shop at Wal-Mart and shit. Somehow I doubt the endless beauty of the Hudson River School of landscape painting will be the theme. Maybe pubes again.
LIKE THIS:
BUT NAKED!
But first, Dusty and Young have breakfast—they both shove bananas into their mouths. This sets the tone for the whole episode.
So anyway, this challenge is about the tension between notions of high art and the reality of commerce. The problem here is that there is no tension between high art and commerce—high art lost decades ago. So the last six artestants have to sell art on the streets of TriBeCa where, luckily, people have more money than sense. Then the art will be brought into the gallery Whoever makes the most money wins! See, told ya high art lost decades ago. Simon de Pury says, "History proves that two heads are better than one" (History proves THAT?!?!) so the six will work in three teams of two. Kymia quickly grabs Dusty because she hates Lola. Then China Chow explains that performance art is not allowed in the challenge, and Young's secret idea to set up a glory hole also goes to shit. The teams have five hours to conceptualize and produce art, then two hours to sell their junk to the sort of person attracted to television cameras in lower Manhattan. Aka, Brooklynites.
Young has the idea to paint faces on underwear, and he also buys a new pair of short-shorts for himself to attract passing trade. He launches into a monologue about his butt, which his boyfriend loves, and which is petite, and round, and pert. Sarah J. decides that she's an artist and will actually do art, specifically high-speed watercolor portraits for customers, and some other things too. Like a dog with two heads. And a painting of herself with a giant red ass.
Dusty and Kymia spend three hours messing around and have very little time to produce any art. Kymia has the idea to sell postcards reading "I HELPED AN ARTIST MAKE HER DREAMS COME TRUE" and such, but quickly realizes that this idea is moronic and decides to sell her signature and collect signatures from others. Then she realizes that this idea is so good she has to tell everyone and ask permission—apparently autograph hounding may be performance art. Though Lola objects, Kymia goes ahead anyway.
Dusty, being from Arkansas, is obsessed with America and decides to make shirts with the map on them, and on the map a stencil of a security camera. He thinks he's making a statement about the surveillance state, but at best his shirt says SECURE WHITE AMERICA AGAINST THE NEGROID HORDES!!! At worst, and this was his worst, the shirts say "What the hell is that thing?" His camera stencil looks variously like a burrito (haha, I almost typed BUTT-IRO there!), a horse saddle, and a toner cartridge. Also, he calls his wife and cries because he has a baby and has been gone for so long and a baby needs her father to survive (AGAINST THE NEGROID HORDES!!!). Actually, it's been about ten days, Big Dust. Take it easy.
LOLA GETS NAKED. Kymia objects to the camera, claiming that Lola is just selling out for the money. No mention is made of Kymia's own glorious tits gracing her piece several episodes ago. Indeed, there's a lot of sexualized material in this episode, and a lot of complaining about sexualized material. Like these assholes thought up the idea of depicting the nude in fine art all by themselves, and yesterday.
Lola puts some text over the naked photo explaining that she doesn't shave her mustache all the time, that she engages in all sorts of creepy behaviors, and other "secrets." It's actually good. At least it's not four different things all thrown together. She sells prints of various sizes, and thanks to the magic of editing appears to sell at least one of her pieces for one hundred bucks. She's also shown making a three-year-old girl cry. Sarah K., who misses Ohio and apparently wants to go home, makes racist Indian headdresses out of construction paper, and spraypaints tits and cocks on t-shirts and tries to sell them. Simon comes by and almost licks Lola's print. AWOOGHA AWOOGHA! (Simon hopes pubic hair comes back into fashion soon (opens vid).)
In the gallery, Young and Sarah K. punt. Young paints the underwear faces onto canvas instead of pinning up the briefs, and Sarah K. just mounts two headdresses and paints secondary sex characteristics under them. I guess her message is "American Indians have nipples too!" Judge Jerry objects strongly to such bullshit. The camera zooms out of the bright red cunt of Sarah J.'s watercolor self-portrait. Judge Jerry's face explodes in glee when he sees Lola's piece. Kymia's work—fifteen of her signatures, fifteen other signatures—just doesn't look good on television, but the judges seem to like it. Dusty turned his t-shirt idea into a map-shaped sign.
The show has been suggesting that sex sells, that Lola is a self-pimping whore and had made lots of money with her advanced Romani haggling techniques. But no, as it turns out you can't just get on the subway with a giant photo of a naked woman, even in New York, so Sarah J's team wins! People like pretty paintings they can show to their friends. People are fucking boorish Philistines! That's why the art world is for Eurotrashy, Hedge-fundy, Hamptonites; of trendy oligarchs and oiligarchs; and of art dealers with masturbatory levels of self-regard. Did somebody say masturbatory?! Anyway, Sarah J. and Young are safe, though Young's stuff wasn't any good.
Lola and Kymia are both sent back to the apartment to glare at one another for at least one more episode, and it's down to Dusty and Sarah K. Dusty's was terrible but at least it was something. For Sarah K., it was literally a case of "My kid could do that" though without any of the verve or playfulness of childish play. So she goes home and cries about her dead father.
Next week, the artists go to the Hudson Valley and meet people who shop at Wal-Mart and shit. Somehow I doubt the endless beauty of the Hudson River School of landscape painting will be the theme. Maybe pubes again.